I have a confession to make, I have a terrible habit.
I, Aurora Raine Jones, have a horrible tendency to mercilessly compare myself to others. ‘Oh, if only I could sing like her…or if I had her hair, or her outgoing personality, my life would be amazing! All of my problems would be solved if only I had those legs, or those eyes!’ I may be exaggerating slightly, but I know I’m not alone. Coveting what others have is an inevitable pandemic in this materialistic world. From a very young age, we’re conditioned to want what others have, whether it be the loveliest Barbie doll, or the hippest new bike on the block.
Advertisements constantly bombard our consciousness from all sides, making it so that we’re rarely able to evade them. When I use my iPhone or iPad, my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram feeds are all full of sponsored posts, with shamelessly placed advertisements thrown in for good measure. If I go for a drive, I pass billboards, unintentionally absorbing information. If I choose to listen to the radio or watch my favorite shows on television, of course, I’ll learn all about the latest products, restaurants, movies, et cetera, whether I wanted to know about those things or not.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with advertising as it allows individuals to make the general public aware of their goods or services. However, I do think that there is a manner of advertising, which seems to be used most frequently, that means to make observers feel lesser than the individuals in the advertisement as a way of motivating consumers to purchase a product.
Commercials, both for vehicles and clothing, are very blatant about this. The stylish young man driving the hottest new Jaguar or Cadillac is the one who gets the sexy model girlfriend; he’s the talk of the town, a go-getter, a trend-setter, and always the life of the party!
Victoria’s Secret commercials display gorgeous women, with seemingly perfect bodies, strutting around in lingerie, loudly insinuating, “Hey! If you buy this underwear, you’ll look just like these models and will finally have the confidence required to make your man happy!”
Each type of commercial is conditioning viewers to want what those models or actors have by attempting to make them feel like the “odd one out” for not having such a product. This instills in the general viewer’s mind, ‘I need that to be happy’.
With so many involuntary comparisons going on in our daily lives, it’s easy to subconsciously carry such covetous feelings around with us. When I see someone with something wonderful that I don’t have, I tend to automatically find myself making comparisons and feeling as though I come up short. However, in this past year of introspection and of pushing myself past the confines of my comfort zone, I’ve learned a couple of things which have proven quite helpful.
1) We have one life, which means we have only one chance to be exactly who we want to be. As I’ve put myself “out there” more frequently as of late, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many different types of people. My favorite type of people, is the “happy” group. Whether they be shy, outgoing, unemployed, energetic, or sickly, all of the happy people I know made the conscious decision to be happy.
We all have flaws, and we’ve all failed, but the trick is to keep going. Of course we have to, unfortunately, live within the margins of reality; so I know that I will never be tall like a Victoria’s Secret model, have Amanda Seyfried’s perfect thick, blonde hair, or have a booty like Kim Kardashian. And, although, learning to accept such things might be a bit disheartening at first, once I was able to get past this, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. The daunting expectations that I had placed upon myself, without even really realizing it, to look more like a Barbie doll, were overwhelming. Through my acceptance of the fact that such physical aspirations were unattainable (without loads of plastic surgery), I was able to let those comparisons go and, therefore, accept my own body as it is. That’s a freeing feeling!
2) The second tip which I’ve recently discovered is that wishing that we could be more like others is, not only a waste of time, but can be used as a “cop out” of committing to actually working on ourselves in order to reach our goals. When I was endlessly wishing away my days, dreaming about how perfect my life could be if only I had been born with different genetics, I was stuck on the thought that I would never be good enough unless I could somehow attain my ‘perfect celebrity collage’ self. I convinced myself that plastic surgery was the only answer. So, I became quite depressed (as I’m too poor to afford such alterations), and I did nothing to better my health or my physical appearance. I didn’t work out, take vitamins, or even really eat very healthily. I allowed myself to become stuck, constantly tearing myself down, wasting valuable time when, instead, I could have been working to build myself up to my fullest potential.
Remember, we are each blessed with one chance to be the best self that we can be. We are each exactly who we were meant to be. Please don’t waste your precious time beating yourself up for not looking like Britney Spears, or Ryan Gosling. Every single human being on this earth is different, and that’s the beauty in humankind. We are each unique, physically and internally.
I love the above quote by Coco Chanel which reads, “In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different”.
Always be your own unique self. Beauty is subjective, whether we’re talking about anything from physical appearance to musical ability. There will always be critics, and there will always be admirers. As long as you’re focused on being the best “you” that you can be, while ultimately maintaining happiness, why worry about what others think or say?
Although I do still find myself comparing myself to others, I’ve found these couple bits of knowledge to be both comforting and helpful, and I hope you do too!
Have a lovely week!! Please don’t forget to find me on Twitter, give this post a like, subscribe to my blog, or leave me a comment! Thank you so much for reading!! 🙂
-A
Clouds in my Coffee 